If you are embarrassed by pink, you'd better not drive after you drink.
Senator Mike Fasano has proposed a bill which he hopes will deter Floridians from driving while intoxicated by requiring those convicted of alcohol-related offenses to have pink license plates with "DUI" as the first three letters. In addition, any police officer "may stop any vehicle that bears a DUI plate without probable cause to check the driver."
The Senator's reason behind proposing this is quite obvious: "maybe they'll think twice," he wishes. I hate to break it to him, but if the possibility of crashing one's expensive car, and possibly killing his potential one-night-stand partner in the process does not discourage that person, then unless the person is extremely "pinkophobic," (fear of Barbie), he is not going to care about the color of something that isn't in his field of vision when driving anyway. The death penalty for certain crimes in some states is meant to be a deterrent, and criminals still violate those laws and get killed.
Fasano is an interesting character. He sponsored a bill that required all public school classroom American flags to be a certain size, even though most already had different dimensions, and then didn't give any funding to actually purchase them. Be thankful he isn't our president; if he were, he would probably order all stop signs to be changed to square-shaped (honestly, who likes a square)? and make everyone wear a nametag to increase flirt-ability among his constituents, only he wouldn't pay for the metal or birth control pills, respectively.
As funny as it would be to see a hot car with rims and tinted windows have a pink license plate, there are too many problems with the idea. First off, when breast cancer groups get with the colored license plate program, they will demand a certain shade, and I don't think burnt sienna is going to beat out tickle me pink in the vote (sponsored by Crayola).
Secondly, let's say a person who does not drink happens to share a car with a wino. She might get pulled over for a baseless reason and jerks like me will laugh at her while she is forced to take a breathalyzer test. Children riding in the car might get made fun of for having parents who were wasted while having them, or got wasted because they had them.
Also, if a former frat brother made a tiny mistake back in the day, when he is an old man he should only be pulled over for driving 30 mph below the speed limit, not for having a pink license plate which he "earned" 60 years prior.
Another problem: criminals who steal cars will probably not pilfer one with DUI plates because that would be a catalyst for their arrest. Shouldn't we support the taking of the vehicles of drunk drivers so they don't run us over?
Ohio and Michigan both have punishments for DUI violations, though only for repeat offenders and the colors are normal. Florida's ACLU legislative spokesman Larry Spalding is upset. "Pink plates would hold out individuals for punishment as well as ridicule. We are very opposed to it," he says. Members of MADD are elated, because apparently they do not care about constitutional rights. (Fasano has claimed to be willing to give up the right to check up on drivers if it is deemed unconstitutional. Now who will I laugh at?)
If the bill passes, then why not color-code all license plates for all types of criminals? Sex offenders, potheads, speeders, cheaters, politicians, men who leave the toilet seat up, etc. should all get their own color so we can be wary of those we are sharing the road with.
To avoid the issue of having others in the car who aren't the DUI offender get punished, maybe we should brand a colored word on felons' foreheads similar to the letter "A" in The Scarlet Letter on Hester Prynne's chest. Then no one would be able to complain about the lack of diversity. And since no one is completely law-abiding, we would all have to avoid…well…everyone.
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